Monthly Archives: January 2013

Star Wars…

…because I don’t think any other title would do it justice.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog, but I’ve been busy. Busy, and there’s really been nothing to say that ten thousand other nerd blogs haven’t already said ten thousand times before…then Star Wars was declared.

But first!…ok, so I seem to be out of pictures of Katherine Heigl in a bra, so how’s about something more appropriate for the topic at hand? Let’s see if I get the same kind of whack-traffic with a picture of Carrie Fisher in a bra.

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It’s all for the hits, honestly!

Now then, back to business.

It’s old news by now that Disney bought Lucasfilm recently, we’re all over that. What still boggles my mind was the instant announcement of the unthinkable; that they would be fast-tracking Star Wars Episodes VII-IX (and possibly beyond).

Star Wars was always this thing above movis to me. I can’t remember a time in my life when Star Wars wasn’t my favorite thing. It wasn’t something that just crapped out sequels to grab a quick buck, now WAIT…that being said, it would crap out books, comics, games, toys, and the occasional spinoff cartoon to make a quick buck, but that was ok (even though a lot of that stuff wasn’t exactly ok, I’m looking at you, anything with the Yuuzan Vong in it).

This is what made the prequels so special, it was the first real Star Wars we’d gotten in so many years. This is also what made them such a travesty to most, but I’m not here to talk about that old chestnut, and if you think George Lucas did anything sexual to your childhood besides tenderly¬†consummate¬†with it in a way that you didn’t like as much as you thought you might, feel free to fuck yourself then and see if you do any better. Nobody raped your childhood, and if they did, it was probably asking for it, dressing like a whore and all.

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It was practically BEGGING for it!

Say what you want about the stories, the acting, the gratuitous CGI effects, and the NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, the prequels did the one thing they had to do; they felt like Star Wars.

This leads me to my apprehension. J.J. Abrams. He’s grabbed the brass ring, he’s directing Episode VII. He’s the man who’s guiding the future of both Star Wars, and my other long-time nerd love, Star Trek. It feels a little filthy that one man gets to do both, kind of a wag the dog type of scenario. The one man in charge of two fanbases who love to shit on each other more than your average German porn star.

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Yup.

Say what you want about the state of Star Trek before Abrams got his mits on it…oh, by the way, fun aside for you fanboys out there. J.J.’s Star Trek reboot, the one that you all love to cream your sweatpants about, that was written by the same two guys who wrote Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, you know, the one you all love to talk mad crap about. Chew on that one. Anyway, as I was saying, despite claims of Star Trek being dumbed down for the masses, it was a breath of fresh (if not overly smart, but don’t get me started) for a franchise that was in danger of fading away to a dusty shelf when it deserved better. What it didn’t do was feel like Star Trek. Star Trek really had gotten so full of it’s own tropes that it was less about fun and action and more about ridiculous psuedo-science and thinly veiled social commentary. At first this was really enjoyable, but it had gotten to be a bit much, and by the time Scott Bakula showed up we’d all just kind of lost interest. Abrams made Star Trek fun again, at the cost of some of it’s sense of self. He gave it a boob job and a lobotomy at the same time.

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Ooh, found one!

But there you have it, despite how I may feel about the whole matter, it’s happening and there’s nothing anyone can do about it but sit back and see what happens. Having never seen Lost, I’m not a rabid Abrams fanboy, just someone who’s trying to stop being butthurt about what happened to Star Trek and living with it one day at a time. All I want to say is this: Star Wars isn’t about who’s making it, it’s about Star Wars. Don’t over-indulge. Don’t add a lens flare every time a lightsaber gets ignited. Don’t try to make it your own. Just make some Star Wars. Make it feel like Star Wars. If Phantom Menace felt like Star Wars, surely whatever comes next can.

I hope.

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