Monthly Archives: July 2014

The return of…COSTUME IDEAS FOR FAT GUYS

It’s that time again, convention season is upon us, with Origins just having passed, and Gencon, SDCC, and Dragoncon just around the corner. “Oh no!”, you’re surely saying, “I wanted to wear a costume, but have been eating like  pig and not doing crunches!”. Well, voice in my head, you can relax, here once again, is a small list of suggestions for my more portly brethren.

 

HOUND

Payback time, Rosie!

Payback time, Rosie!

Thank you, Michael Bay, for giving us a Transformer with a weight problem. Seriously though, This fat robot from Age of Extinction stole the show. A big transformer that smokes an artillery shell like a cigar and talks like John Goodman? Yes, that’s badass. This one might be tricky to pull off, but for those with the skill to build those awesome transformer costumes we’ve all seen pictures of, this is an awesome choice.

 

GALIUS ZED/ZILIOUS ZOX

In buttery day, in fattest night...

In buttery day, in fattest night…

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT

 

Green Lantern fans rejoice! These guys are…round. That counts, right? Ok, so they’re mostly giant heads, a la MODOK, but with a foot growing out of their asses, but there’s a start to work with. Choose good guy Zed, or his rage-filled brethren Zox of the Red Lantern Corps. If you want to make it even more disturbing, Zed came back as a gross Black Lantern!

 

SHADOW KING

All hail Burger, I mean Shadow King.

All hail Burger, I mean Shadow King.

Old school X-Men villain Shadow King is Charles Xavier’s psychic nemesis. They’ve had several run-ins in the past, often with him appearing in the form of his astral avatar, a big muscular blue monster. Well, tough, I’m talking about his doughy, fez-wearing human form. Still, people who get it and not think you’re dressed as fat Dr. Who will totally commend you.

 

JINBE

Ladies...

Ladies…

I don’t know a lot about the anime One Piece, but I’ve been told by a friend that this large karate fighting fishman is pretty darn cool. Well…he looks pretty cool, and that’s really what this is all about, isn’t it?

 

KINGPIN

I'll get you, Spider-Man...after lunch!

I’ll get you, Spider-Man…after lunch!

Hey look, it’s Kingpin! Everybody loves Kingpin, right? Well, except Spider-Man and Daredevil. Oh, and the Punisher. This is a nice, easy, recognizable costume that also serves as stylish eveningwear!

 

CARDINAL MONCADA

I vant to drink your gravy!

I vant to drink your gravy!

This Iconic NPC from Vampire: The Masquerade, was quite the specimen. A high-ranking member of the nefarious Sabbat, Moncada had the distinction of being morbidly obese by human standards, which practically unheard of for a vampire. This comes with the added benefit of swanky, yet breezy clerical vestments.

And one for the ladies…

FAT PRINCESS

Giiiiiirl, slice me off a piece of that...cake!

Giiiiiirl, slice me off a piece of that…cake!

If I could be serious for a moment, as hard as it is for overweight men to find costumes, it’s even worse for women. Women’s standards for costumes are so much higher because they’re expected to look like supermodels and dress like fantasy prostitutes. Well, plus-sized gals can be just as beautiful as the scrawny broads. Fat Princess was a great little game for the PSN, and the titular character makes a great, and not too revealing costume for the nerdy girls who can’t fit into a size 0.

That serious moment is now over…heheh, titular.

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