Category Archives: boooks

The return of…COSTUME IDEAS FOR FAT GUYS

It’s that time again, convention season is upon us, with Origins just having passed, and Gencon, SDCC, and Dragoncon just around the corner. “Oh no!”, you’re surely saying, “I wanted to wear a costume, but have been eating like  pig and not doing crunches!”. Well, voice in my head, you can relax, here once again, is a small list of suggestions for my more portly brethren.

 

HOUND

Payback time, Rosie!

Payback time, Rosie!

Thank you, Michael Bay, for giving us a Transformer with a weight problem. Seriously though, This fat robot from Age of Extinction stole the show. A big transformer that smokes an artillery shell like a cigar and talks like John Goodman? Yes, that’s badass. This one might be tricky to pull off, but for those with the skill to build those awesome transformer costumes we’ve all seen pictures of, this is an awesome choice.

 

GALIUS ZED/ZILIOUS ZOX

In buttery day, in fattest night...

In buttery day, in fattest night…

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT

 

Green Lantern fans rejoice! These guys are…round. That counts, right? Ok, so they’re mostly giant heads, a la MODOK, but with a foot growing out of their asses, but there’s a start to work with. Choose good guy Zed, or his rage-filled brethren Zox of the Red Lantern Corps. If you want to make it even more disturbing, Zed came back as a gross Black Lantern!

 

SHADOW KING

All hail Burger, I mean Shadow King.

All hail Burger, I mean Shadow King.

Old school X-Men villain Shadow King is Charles Xavier’s psychic nemesis. They’ve had several run-ins in the past, often with him appearing in the form of his astral avatar, a big muscular blue monster. Well, tough, I’m talking about his doughy, fez-wearing human form. Still, people who get it and not think you’re dressed as fat Dr. Who will totally commend you.

 

JINBE

Ladies...

Ladies…

I don’t know a lot about the anime One Piece, but I’ve been told by a friend that this large karate fighting fishman is pretty darn cool. Well…he looks pretty cool, and that’s really what this is all about, isn’t it?

 

KINGPIN

I'll get you, Spider-Man...after lunch!

I’ll get you, Spider-Man…after lunch!

Hey look, it’s Kingpin! Everybody loves Kingpin, right? Well, except Spider-Man and Daredevil. Oh, and the Punisher. This is a nice, easy, recognizable costume that also serves as stylish eveningwear!

 

CARDINAL MONCADA

I vant to drink your gravy!

I vant to drink your gravy!

This Iconic NPC from Vampire: The Masquerade, was quite the specimen. A high-ranking member of the nefarious Sabbat, Moncada had the distinction of being morbidly obese by human standards, which practically unheard of for a vampire. This comes with the added benefit of swanky, yet breezy clerical vestments.

And one for the ladies…

FAT PRINCESS

Giiiiiirl, slice me off a piece of that...cake!

Giiiiiirl, slice me off a piece of that…cake!

If I could be serious for a moment, as hard as it is for overweight men to find costumes, it’s even worse for women. Women’s standards for costumes are so much higher because they’re expected to look like supermodels and dress like fantasy prostitutes. Well, plus-sized gals can be just as beautiful as the scrawny broads. Fat Princess was a great little game for the PSN, and the titular character makes a great, and not too revealing costume for the nerdy girls who can’t fit into a size 0.

That serious moment is now over…heheh, titular.

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One for the money…

This past weekend, after asserting our dominance over beasts of the sea (sushi), the wife and I partook in a movie. This in itself isn’t so strange, the strange part is that I had an active interest in a movie that didn’t feature lasers, monsters,  gratuitous breasts (well…more on this in a bit), or robots turning into things that beat up other things that turn into robots. No, we saw One for the money, based on the first in about 200,000 Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich.

The reason for my interest in this movie was because myself and my wife actually listened to a few of these books in audio form back when we worked together doing data entry. As an aside, feeling nostalgic about a mind-numbing job like data entry is a strong argument for staying in school, or going back to school. Seriously. Still, I found myself surprised by how much I liked these books. They were light-hearted and fun, while still having pretty some intense action scenes at times, and likeable characters. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the trailer recently. I had always wondered why they hadn’t turned these books into a series of films yet, it seemed like a no-brainer.

So, how was it? Well, it’s been so long since I’ve “read” the book, that I don’t remember how closely the movie followed the book, but the tone is matched quite nicely. I liked the cast, although I’d always hoped Dwayne “The Rock”Johnson would be cast as Ranger, and Katherine Heigl was likeable in the lead role, despite claims that she’s not as likeable in everyday life.

If I may digress for just a moment for some chauvinism, doesn’t it seem like every part Katherine Heigl plays requires her to take her shirt off at some point? It must be vital to the story that we get to see her in her bra…that or directors can’t work those little hooks. That seems feasible too.

they're PLUM tricky...get it?

Anyway, the movie held onto that same light-hearted fun, while still offering up some intense moments. Stephanie Plum still seems to get by on dumb luck half the time, and screw up the rest in comedic ways. I very much like that this is not an empowerment story. It’s a story where the protagonist just happens to be female, it’s not a “girl power” thing. I don’t like it when people get empowered, it’s obnoxious. I like a nice level playing field where we all try to claw our way out of the day-to-day ooze together as a similarlly-doomed collective.

uh huh...tone and mood...lighting and...huh?

All in all though, I really liked this movie. It was a nice change of pace from the usual explosion-filled or surrealist filth that I typically ingest, and I really hope that they go on to make many sequels, they certainly have enough source material to draw from. If you’ve been on the fence about this one, go see it, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

...screw it...weeeeeeeeee!

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